My story of gradual spiritual awakening

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Growing up I often fantasized about having one particular experience that was a dramatic spiritual awakening.  I wished for psychic abilities.  It seemed amazing.  Maybe someday.  Until then I take little steps, try to live in the now and in a loving way.

I can happily say that I was born into a family of unconditional love and very little dogma.  I was conceived in the Philippines where my parents escaped the Vietnam war draft in the US Peace Corps.

When they got back to the States they joined the transcendental meditation movement and received mantras from Maharishi Manesh-yogi.  I never met Maharishi, but I was given a mantra when I was 4 or 5 (a walking mantra) which I remember to this day.  When I was 12 I was given a normal sitting mantra, but I found it very difficult to sit quietly for the number of minutes that I was years old.  My parents attended many meditation retreats and tried to learn to levitate.  One of their friends, they claim, could do it.

They strove to give us kids a spiritual education without it being religious, and for this I thank them.

They read The Urantia Book to us instead of the Bible.  I grew up thinking of Jesus not as an only child but as the eldest in a family of many brothers and sisters.  They told us the Bible is true as well, but it had just been rewritten by lots of different people, so some of the stories got changed.  Mom made art that said “Whatever you do comes back to you,” and “The Kingdom of Heaven is on Earth.”  They were as hippie as hippies go, but they never drank or smoked or did anything.  Not even caffeine.  There was never any coffee in our house.  We didn’t have a TV.

Mom was always into some new new age thing.

We went to Sedona, AZ as a family holiday.  I loved it and tried to feel something special in the desert.  She got lots of crystals and taught us how to cleanse them with salt water.  She read “Seth Speaks” and tried to explain to me what made it so amazing.  I never quite got it.  She read all the Don Juan books and Richard Bach.

I dreamed of receiving some coming-of-age vision to shake up my bored suburban adolescence, but nothing ever happened.  I went to college and one of my best experiences was participating in a Walk across America.  The only part we could do in our spring break was walking through Hopiland and Navajo country in Arizona and New Mexico.  I am ever grateful for the beautiful people I met.  One day we got to listen to an elder speak to us.  We sat on the ground as the wind blew through the colored woven tapestries.  I felt so deeply his connection to the earth.

I was curious about spirituality, and I took a totally innocent approach to it.  I met some people who took me to a nondescript Berkeley house with a rusted iron gate and front yard that was totally under concrete.  Inside the house was a cult to Aleister Crowly where they acted out rituals in a room decked out in gold painted Egyption sarcophagi.  I went a couple of times because even though the ritual was kind of silly, there was red wine and the people were interesting and tattooed.  I got bored of that pretty quick and never went back.

In my travels to south america I was drawn to the rituals and spirituality of candomble.  Once on a beach near Salvador Brazil I was walking alone and I came upon what appeared to be an old foundation of a building or fortress in the sand.  There were offerings nearby and on the walls was written some syllables in an African language which I memorized.  For years thereafter when I repeated those words I found things fell into place and good energy prevailed.  I don’t know what they mean.  A couple of times I attended umbanda/candomblé ceremonies.  The entities (being channeled through a person) always approached me and blessed me.  I was once named as a “daughter of Oxum” who is a water goddess.  I was happy as I have always felt a connection to the element of water.

Reading the Ringing Cedars of Siberia series has brought me much joy and awakening.  I began following Anastasia’s tenets, doing my best to create a Space of Love, a family domain on the 0.3 hectares which we own.  I began to see nature as she explained it to me, holding all the information in the universe.  How the plants and animals in my domain love me and will protect me and my family.  I began to feel the joy of unconditional love, and realize that there is definitely hope for our human family despite the horrible things that we do to one another on earth!  I understand now that children are to be trusted and believed and given freedom.   I began to feel instead of think.  I learned that there are many different types of beings existing in many different dimensions.  Most of them exemplify a preponderance of a certain type of emotion or a desire to control other beings.  Only humans have the power to incorporate, moderate and equalize the diverse energies of the universe within ourselves.  The Energy of Love was present at the inception of the universe and prevails today.  We can connect in to the boundless well of universal love at any time.  I thank Anastasia every day for her selfless giving.

Relationships have been a challenge for me in my life.  I married a person from a different culture, and sometimes the differences seem insurmountable.  Funny though, he is the one with the psychic abilities I have always wished I had.

Over the past year I have found solace and awakening though reading Richard Rudd’s The Gene Keys.  As I had long been a user of The I-Ching Workbook, the Gene Keys fell into my life so neatly.  I had always consulted the I-Ching as an oracle, a sort of shortcut to a decision that had to be made.  But the Gene Keys goes deeper, and treats things in their shadow, gift and siddhi state.  I am learning to accept the shadow side of myself and my partner and treat everything that happens to me as a gift.  The Golden Path of the Gene Keys takes a long time to complete, and I have been going about it sporadically but for me that’s the best way.

The most recent spiritual “crutch” I have been using and finding so valuable are two books from the Russian duo Dolokhov and Gurangov, AKA Beard and Papa: “The Art of Soaring” and “The Power of Luck”.  These fun and funny books present a magical way of living and laughing through the problems which we cause for ourselves.  “All of my doubts are in vain!  I am a magician and I create my own universe!”  Using the techniques of creative renaming, gifting, dancing and retelling our stories in the first person, issues spontaneously resolve themselves.  While I had long been able to mentally declare that I can create my own reality, these techniques brought that knowledge deeper into my being, and now I know it in my heart, body and soul.  I am the one that draws infinity in the sand.  I am the one half-starring the lawn.  I am the one that just is.

At night when I’m going to sleep I visualize myself as a bright sphere of light emanating a transmission of love in all directions.

About two weeks ago I had an experience that gave me much joy.  I was having a particularly stressful time with work.  I went into the yard to a place on the hillside, in the trees where I have planted a cone orgonite in the ground.   I performed a rousing dance, turning, twisting, and leaping.  Then, panting, I lay down and tried to relax and connect to the earth’s energy while repeating validations in my mind.  When I opened my eyes and sat up.  The sky was an amazing shade of  pink as the sunset began to develop.  The clouds were arranged amazingly to form a perfect face.  I could not look away.  The eyes were infinitely compassionate, the mouth a hint of a smile.  Tears flowed from my eyes.  I was seeing God and I felt his mercy and love for me, and for all creation.  I watched it until the clouds finally drifted off in their own directions, but the feeling stayed with me for a long time.

I thank you for reading my story.

Peace, love and blessings


3 thoughts on “My story of gradual spiritual awakening

  1. I just have a question, Is the Rosicrusians the same thing as this Order of the Rose and is it witchcraft ?

    • Hi Susan,
      Sorry it took so long to get back to you, I’ve been traveling.
      This site Order of the Rose has absolutely nothing to do with
      the Rosecrusians or witchcraft.. I’ve made this site to share
      true personal spiritual experiences with people in a safe
      Blessings & Love, Carol

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